Sunday, April 14, 2013

SIX words.

assalammualaikum everybody.
so, how's your day ?
dah lama tak ber blog walking kat blog blog korang.
already 1.25 am and I'm wide awake.

Allahu. Allahu.
Shaheeda banyak fikir sangat ni.
over thinking just make my self down down.
omo. why should I ?

Ya Allah, I'm getting better.
Alhamdulillah for this pain.
this pain is actually a gift. a truly gift from You.
please make me stronger to face all this.

I know You're the one who gonna heal all this.
thanks for give me this one person.
who are never ever give up to give me support, advice.
I really really appreciate him.

tiap malam menangis and he never get tired bila bercerita tentang hal yang sama.
which is good. 
syukran. syukran,
a big thanks.

"I demand an apology."
I don't know to whom I refer to.
for those people yang buat mata, hati ini menangis maybe ?

I don't want to live like that.
please guide me, Ya Allah.
I wanna be happy like others.
But I know if I live my life for the sake of happiness, I won't be happy in the hereafter.

Ya Allah, give me strength to keep going.
You're the answer to my prayers, 
the calm after the storms, and
the solution of my problems.

and for you,
semoga Allah menjaga setiap langkah awak.
may Allah grant your with all the happiness in this world.
Even tough you're not with me but with her.

omo. I'm crying.
Ya Allah, hilangkan lah perasaan ini.
Sungguh aku pohon.
You counting my tears, you know that I have been patient all this time.
You know. You know every single things about me.

last two night, I dream about his mother.
Allah, keep her safe. Give her a very good health.
so sudden mimpi.
I don't know why.
something bad is going on ?
omo. please don't.

so many things to regret.
but still.
I love my family so much.
they're my strengthness.
please keep them safe.
I just can't bear to face any losses.
seriously. 
please don't take people that I love more than myself.
please.
please.
please.



Thursday, March 7, 2013

let me be me.

assalamualaikum awesome people! :)
how is your day ? going well ?
good for you. be happy.
live once, so don't ever let anything let you down.
La Tahzan okay. Allah with us :)
I just can't bear if my friends including you you you who're reading this in sadness.

kind me ? :p
maybe because I'm the owner of the soft heart.
crying, I'm good with that.
you should try it whenever you feel helpless.
sure, it help. you will be better :)

try this, hang out.
I need that one too. so badly.
sob sob sob.
but sure I want to hang out with my super girlfriendsssssss :D
Allah know how much I miss them.
they always there for me.

I miss homieeeee.
but somehow I got many things to do here.
mom and dad, your 4th little princess will come back very very soon.
I love both of you, mom and dad.
I promise you I will do anything to make both of you happy.
I promise you.

yes, please let me be me.
whoever I am :'(
leave me alone.
let me find my happiness.
I'm trying so hard here.
don't judging me.
 if you were in my shoes, even half of the things that I deal with you can't even bear.

I'm always pray for you whoever you with.
I'm not holding any grudge.
I'm letting go all those things.
tapi tak bermakna sheda diam, awak boleh hentam lagi sheda.

enough is enough. until when ?
you're happy in the way you want.
and somehow why keep on bothering me?
I'm forgetting you.
you're not in my mind anymore.
not even for a seconds.
scars remain.
doesn't mean I will forget all these things.

I'm hurt, I'm keep holding that things behind back of my mind.
I'm scared to 9 December.
I will be so down on that day although it was my birthday.
I will be fine. so fine.

I have no intention to find any guys.
I just want to be with my parents until my last breath.
and I hope I can do that.
yeaaahhh. right now, I just want to hug my mom and dad.

I want to let them know their daughter need them.
but somehow I don't want them to be worry about me.
so, I will keep these.
Allah knows.
I'm always praying that please don't ever take my parents before me.

if I die, they have another 6 children with them.
don't take them from me.
they're my everything since my other half leave.
don't test me with any losses anymore.
I'm begging.

mom and dad, please be healthy.
I'm doing so well here.
I'm doing this for you.
stay up lately just want to study.
to make both of you happy.

I'm keep telling both of you I can't do this courses.
but somehow I will do this for you.
I will working, find money and send both of you to Maccah.
InsyaAllah.
all I need is pray from both of you.

pray for me to stay strong.
pray for me to get the best result.
pray for me to be a good Muslimah.
pray for me to be an obedient daughter.

Friday, February 22, 2013

keep inside.

hey buddies! assalammualaikum :)
 now dekat UTM awesome.
to be exact dekat library.
bukan dating atau meeting.
cuma bosan duduk bilik.
serius merius. duduk bilik tidur je.
 badan jadi sangat sangat lesu.

 badan makin kurus.
pipi makin cengkung.
tapi kenapa sheda rasa macam biasa je.
HAHAHAHA.
sheda memang kurus. mohon faham. l
ately pon sangat sangat takde selera nak makan.
tapi tapi semangat balik nak makan since masok UTM. s

ebab dah berazam unuk memulakan sesuatu yang baik.
kan dah janji nak buat yang baik lagi sem nie.
ecehh. amin Ya Rabb. bantu sheda.
lagi satu, sheda ade masalah tidur lately.
malam malam sangat tak boleh tidur.
kalau tak pukul 4 pagi, tak boleh tidur.
padahal kelas pukul 8 pagi ni.
 entah. mungkin banyak sangat fikir malam malam tu kot.
lepas menangis confirm tertido. itu pasti.

 haihhh. sheda okay je.
biasalah kot semua ni.
time will tell. 
mungkin dia tak rasa kehilangan atas kebahagiaan yang dia ada sekarang, tapi jalan kan masih jauh dan Allah sebaik baik menjatuh hukum.

baru first week kuliah and everything goes well.
baucar buku dah dapat.
mari kita grab buku buku dari lejen press.
okay. itu sangat tak sabar.
dalam collection baru ada Puisi Tepi Jalan by Fynn Jamal and Seksi Ovari by Fazleena Hishamuddin.

lepas tukar no maxis nie hidup lagi tenang.
dari gangguan makhluk yang kejam.
amboi. ini serius.
entah. kalau setakat nak mesej menyakitkan hati or cakap yang useless, better don't.
sebab benda tu macam buat aku down.
lepas dah buat orang, lepas dah lanyak hati orang,
boleh eh bagitahu kat orang tu yang nak bagi semangat semua.
haihhh. entah lah.
harap orang nak faham, kita siapa nak faham?

merepek lah semua ni.
La Tahzan. bila aku share kat orang.
mesti aku sebak.
haihh. hope one day, everything will be okay.
amin amin amin.